30 Thoughts Before 30

Wow! I’m finally turning 30 *gasp*…..in 30 days…….I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to feel like or whether other people go through this….but when I think about turning 30, I get this slight apprehension…..I’m not too sure what it’s about…..but I think something about turning 30 makes me think about my life  in an introspective kinda way…and also somewhat brings up big questions like “What have I done with my life”, “What do I wanna do with the rest of my life”, “30, now what”…..and of course the big question “I’m turning 30, what am I doing to celebrate” 😃….I dunno man, but I’m just feeling like something must happen…it just feels like a big moment ….at the same time, i don’t want to succumb to pressure to “do something” because that’s what people do to celebrate….but i definitwly feel like it’s a big moment to be celebrated….we’ll see……there’s a whole 30 days to think about it (This is the story my life….I love celebrations but it hardly ever works out…..I think I have time to think of what I want to do and time goes by, and when the day gets here, I’m bummed because time has run out and I sit there bored and thinking about what I could’ve done if only I’d had the time….then I promise myself I’ll do something in time the following year 😑….and then….)

Aaaanyway……one thing I have decided to do is to write “30 thoughts before I turn 30″….
Why?  Why not?  Haha! Writing is one of the things I’d like to do more of…..I often want to write but never make the time….so it’ll be a nice challenge for me……..and maybe it’s also something that’ll make me feel like I’m “doing something” 😃…to

be present in this moment.

I look forward to seeing what I’ll write about 😃😃…..it’ll be random thoughts really….not necessarily themed or on any specific thing……ok….so let’s see how it goes yeah?

Back to Basics

So, after a long absence from gym *hides*, I have finally resurfaced 😁😁.  Look, it was a bit of a tough 3 months in our household, and with 2 active little ones and a fussy baby, I hardly even thought about gym….so I didn’t even feel bad for not going 😁😁.
But here I am….back now….Zizwe is almost 4 months, and he’s calmed down haha!

So anyway, I’m back at gym and wow, everything is just so hard. I mean, I didn’t think the length of time I was gone for would make that much of a difference. ….ok, I wasn’t really regular in the last few weeks of my pregnancy and of course I was limited in terms of the stuff I could do….but I didn’t think that getting back would be this hard….I mean I’m really out of shape!

Firstly, I’m quite competitive, so in gym classes I really enjoyed being the one who’s able to pull off all the exercises and doing the more challenging stuff or weights…but now I’m just having to eat humble pie *gulp*😁 because I can’t do stuff that I was able to do a few months ago, sadly.
So, realising that obviously things have changed and my muscles aren’t what they were, I decided I need to just go back to the basics. 

Let me say, I’m not really concerned about losing weight…I just want to get back to a good fitness level.  Don’t get me wrong, I do want to lose the weight  (I’m currently 9kg away from my pre-pregnancy weight…not even sure if I do want to go back to 53kg….that’s another story) but that’s not my no.1 focus cos I’m pretty confident that I will lose the weight because I think I have a relatively healthy lifestyle…it’s just a matter of time….well, the one area that does need focus is my tummy 🙈…I  look like I’m having another baby🙈😁…..so I’m doing more tummy exercises and stuff.

*Moonwalks back to her point*….Back to Basics…..I am starting all over again with the basic exercises…..the 5 that I do are squats, push ups, crunches, lunges and jumping jacks….simple, straight to the point, no fancy what whats. …until I slowly regain my fitness……And Then ….BOOM —->> Calisthenics!!  <<—I'm coming for ya! 😁😁💪💪💪

So, anyway, this got me thinking about how similar this is to our faith journey. …as they say, 'faith is a muscle'.
I'm kinda at the same place with my spiritual walk…..where I feel like my faith is not as strong as it used to be….and mainly because I haven't been exercising it as much…..to a large extent, I've kinda just gotten so busy that I've just neglected God. ….the last most involved conversation I had with God was when I was deep in labour 😁😁😁😕. Similar to the exercise, certain things that used to come easily to me don't necessarily do anymore…..and I've realised that I need to also get back to the basics of my spiritual walk….and those are reading the Word and chatting to God.  For me, those are the basic things that keep me conscious of Him, make me feel like I'm in His will and help me to hear Him more.

Another thing: when I was at gym today it seemed like someone had just summomed all the people with really awesome looking bodies that day…haha!! ….everywhere I looked, it was just fit bodies…..fit bodies here, fit bodies there… lol!…and at some point I just looked at them with a slight sense of 'when will I ever get there' despair, forgetting that these people probably haven't just gone through what I've just gone through…. (pregnancy can do things to one's body!😮….let alone 3!). 

Same story with the faith thing…..unfortunately, we sometimes go through stuff that derails us from our track or makes us lose focus, even if for a little while….and when we get back, things aren't necessarily the same…..whether it's major or minor life events.  I lost a cousin to suicide almost two months ago…..and I think my relationship with God is only starting to recover now…..cos I was upset with God because I felt like she didn't have to die….and so I avoided and alienated Him….and refused to be comforted by Him.  That was a low point in my walk but I'm forging ahead….starting again with the basics with that in mind….not comparing my walk with other people that might seem to have it all together, 'cause I don't.

Mmmkay, that's it for my observations for now 😁

Sadly, one of the things I didn’t get taught at home, or at school, or at church, is to take good care of my body. Health is not one of those things that kids should be left to ‘figure out’. Funny enough, we expect kids to grow up to be sensible, health adults….but if they grow up eating Coco Pops at home, and Russian rolls and chips at the tuck shop, when exactly are they meant to get the revelation? South Africa currently has the highest overweight and obesity ranking in sub-Saharan Africa, and is in the world’s top 10 😑.  I’m really hoping to start a new chapter for me and mine…..including the dreaded “what to put in their lunchbox”. I must admit, it’s not the easiest, and it requires time, effort, discipline, intentionality …but I’d rather pay the cost than have my kids pay it. #obesitymustfall 😄 #raisingroyalty

30 Things To Do Before I Turn 30

I turned 29 a week or so ago 🙂 Whoop whoop!!  And of course, it’s the last year of my 20’s, I did a bit of reflecting, etc.  Big “milestone birthdays” can feel a bit like New Years, you know…..you start thinking about your life, what you’ve accomplished, things you want to do, etc.  So my plan was to draw up a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30…….there are so many things I’d like to do and that I’ve been meaning to do over the years, and now it’s getting more obvious that I’m not getting any younger  I think I feel older than the average 29 year old ‘cos I’ve been married for a whole 6 years and have 3 kids (yes, I count the one in my tummy because he is a person)….I really feel ‘grown up’….like, I have grown up people’s problems haha!…like whether I’m feeding the fam enough vegetables, or why someone’s poop is a certain colour lol!…whooo, this life haha!

Anyway, back to my list……I had a number of things in mind, like learn how to swim :$,  learn how to ride a bicycle :$ (I know, I know…I’m not looking great right now lol!), cut my hair,  learn to play a few songs on piano, and the list went on, etc…….until I got to a point where I was thinking about what this life is really all about…..and not that these things on my list were totally meaningless but I started thinking about what really matters, why I am on this earth and what I’d like to look back and see when this life is all done.  The truth is that I was created by God, and when He created me, He had an idea of what He wanted my life to look like…..He knows the unique talents, passions and treasures that He’s placed inside of me….He knows the ability/capacity He’s put in me…..He alone knows my “ultimate”…..He’s hidden inside of me everything that I need to be successful in this life.  I define success not materially, but as being all that God has called me to be in this life, being a good steward of all He has placed in my hands….meaning that if I were to be a multi-millionaire CEO but, for example, failed to take care of the family that God has entrusted to me, or failed to be a blessing in the community that God has placed me in, I wouldn’t define myself as being successful.

So, if God defines who I am and who I am supposed to be, then my biggest mission in this life is to be so close in relationship with Him that I can get all I need to be all I need to be.  One of my biggest fears is getting to Heaven and realising that I didn’t even become half the person that God had in mind, or didn’t live half the life He’d intended for me.  I don’t know about you but I feel the most alive when I have been reading my bible, praying or just spending time chatting to Him…I come out of these times feeling so purposeful and so full of life….but for some reason, I tend to let these moments get stolen by the busyness of this life…..I get so caught up doing this and that, and going through the motions, that I neglect the most important thing to me: being in close relationship with Him.  I know with all my heart that this is what I need the most in my life…because God really makes me feel so alive, so full of joy, possibility, and just peace and contentment, and dreams, and and….but my decisions don’t always reflect that….I don’t prioritise spending time with Him….but I know that when I do, it’s so awesome….yet somehow, I always allow myself to get distracted.

So, anyway, in all of this…..I ended up deciding that there is really only one thing that I really need to do in this life: that is to read my bible everyday.  For me, reading the Word is the one thing that helps me to get closer to Him, and is good ground to communicate more with Him, to worship, etc…..and it definitely reminds me of what His Kingdom is all about, because it’s so easy to forget whilst “doing life”

So, my “30 Things To Do Before I Turn 30” looks like this:

1.  Read my bible everyday

2.  Read my bible everyday

3.  Read my bible everyday

4.  Read my bible everyday

5.  Read my bible everyday

……………………………………..

28. Read my bible everyday

29.  Read my bible everyday

30.  Read my bible everyday

Today we celebrate our 6 year wedding anniversary……whoop whoop!!! 💃💃💃

  

I just realised I got married young…..😄…6 years of marriage and I’m not even 30 yet!  Hhe banna! 😄

  

Anyway, I just wanted to share a special moment.  My husband wrote and sang two songs for me on our wedding day….(yeah, he is that awesome 🙂

Anyway, here are the lyrics to the songs ❤️…..just imagine a smooth, ‘rock meets romance’ voice singing them 😄……actually, you haven’t really experienced them ’til you hear the melodies, etc ❤️

Ok ok, I’m done gloating now…..here are the songs 😊

             STILL EVER PRAISING YOU 

 

When you’re feeling bad ‘cos you’ve overspent

And we don’t have enough cash to even pay the rent

I’ll be still ever praising you

 

When it’s that time of the month and you’re all emotional

And the things that you say don’t make no sense at all

I’ll be still ever praising you

 

I’ll be

Still ever praising

Still ever praising

Still ever praising

Still ever praising you

 

When the burdens of life try to steal your joy

I’ll be bothering God till He brings you more

I’ll be still ever praising you

 

When you’re round with child and don’t feel beautiful

I’ll take your hand and let you know you’re just glory filled

I’ll be still ever praising you

 

Many daughters have done well

Many daughters have done well

Many daughters but you excel them all

 

When the day comes for us to meet our God

Even while we’re floating on glory clouds

I’ll be still ever praising you

 

I’ll be

Still ever holding

Still ever wanting

Still ever loving

Still ever praising you

 

              WITHIN AND WITHOUT

 

She’s got 10 servants, 5 in each hand

An army of angels at her command

She’s a queen my queen

 

She’s got brains that make technology stupid

A passion and love desired by cupid

She’s a queen my queen

 

She’s got strength that makes the mountains jealous

Radiance that makes the sun say “to hell with this!”

She’s a queen my queen

 

You’re beautiful within and you’re beautiful without

You’re beautiful within and you’re beautiful without

You’re beautiful within and you’re beautiful without

Within without within without

 

I came and I saw but I was the one conquered

I was conquered by

I was weighed and I was measured and I was found wanting

I was found wanting you

*THE END*

   

 

 

Don’t Wait ‘Til You’re Perfect

Until today, I’d always seen Sarah (Abraham’s wife) in such a perfect light.  When I thought of her, a perfect woman came to mind….and of course the words “Mother of Nations”.  Rightly so, because this is the woman that God chose amongst them all to bear the nation of God, Abraham and Sarah were the first Israelites, the entire nation came through them (that’s huge)….they are the mother and father of God’s people! 

Anyway, I was reading Hagar’s story and it only clicked today that Sarah was far from being a Ms Holy Perfect Goody-two-shoes 😳.  

Firstly, there was that whole shenanigan between her and Abraham, when they decided she would pretend she’s Abraham’s sister, and then got married off to the Pharoah…..*smh*….I mean, really!

Secondly…..one of the things that shook me is that throughout scripture you see that the people who have been mightily used by God had a lot of faith…..like Abel, Noah, Abraham, Moses, you name them…..  But here was Sarah…..mightily used by God….and yet when God told her she’d give birth to a son, she (probably rolled her eyes and) laughed!  Like “Yeah right God, a woman of my age, you’ve got to be kidding me” ….and then when asked about it, she denied it 😄.  (Side note: this conversation cracks me up ….God: Why did Sarah laugh? Sarah: I didn’t laugh. God: No, but you did laugh. <Like, really?? Are we having this conversation…..with God? Lol!>)

Okay, so back to the point lol!…..we can see there’s no faith there. 

And then thirdly, there’s the way she treated Hagar…..to cut a long story short, she basically offered her up to Abraham to impregnate her, and then basically abused and oppressed her after that until she couldn’t take it anymore and ran away 😳.  Now that totally destroyed that perfect “Mother of the Nations” image I had of her……had I not been reading my bible all along? 

Anyway, all of this really got me thinking about how God uses the most imperfect people to accomplish His purposes.  We really don’t need to wait until we sort ourselves out, or work on our relationship with God, or stop doing this and that, before God can use us.   If God could use Sarah in the mighty way that He did, in the state that she was in…..then surely He can use you and I in the state that we’re in.  Don’t wait ’til you’re perfect.  You’re perfect. 

This Is Not An Anti-Abortion Post

It’s just thoughts that I had when I went for my 12 week baby scan.  I am personally not for abortion though. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago I went for an ultra sound scan, on the day my baby turned 12 weeks.  Looking at the scan, I was so amazed at how much this little person was so developed at just 12 weeks.  We could literally see all the limbs and stuff….just 5cm big but the baby was so well formed, from the shape, we could tell what what was, we could clearly see the head, the body, the legs, the arms, the heart beating, the brain, and even the little stumps where the fingers and toes were starting to grow ❤️

And then I had this sad thought……I thought about our abortion laws….and how the day before it would’ve been just ‘ok’ to kill this person (before 12 weeks, abortion is legal)……and how some people justify it by saying that at that stage it’s not a person but just an embryo ….but here I was looking at this Person…..his heart beating, his brain functional, him moving around and sucking on his thumb…..and I was just sad…..truly sad……

I haven’t written anything in the past 3 months because I’ve been feeling so pap :/. We’re expecting another sweet little bundle of joy (whoop whoop!!) but this has been the worst first trimester out of all three…..the fatigue and the nausea had me down pretty much everyday, and it didn’t help that I’m a stay/work at home mom of 2 active toddlers….yoh, I saw proper flames! But I’m glad it’s over now….whoweee…..I’m feeling so much better 🙂

So, our family’s growing…exciting times! We recently bought an 8-seater dining room table that we intend to fill…haha!….so this is a step in the right direction :). But I must say though, that in my mind, I’d kind of seen this year as the year I’d really focus on my photography business so I’d said to God He must give me a break haha, but clearly He just did His own thing….so I was quite surprised that I was soooo soooo excited when I found out, (Langa says I literally shoved the stick in his face as I was jumping up and down haha!) I expected to be less excited haha!

I’m just reminded of what a miracle it is to carry a human being inside of me…experiencing this little person grow from a little speck to a full grown baby….it is the most precious thing ever! After my first trimester challenges, I can now appreciate the pregnancy again haha! So, I’m about 14 weeks now….growing rapidly….the tummy is just really out there…I look like I’m about 6 months pregnant…really….and I’ve gained around 5kg…..for a little person that’s about 5cm big haha!…and considering I still have another 6 months to go ….yoh, I wonder how much weight I will gain this time….I gained 20kg with the past two (including the baby)….but anyway, I don’t stress much about putting on the weight, because it needs to happen…it’s part of the process (except for those lucky ones who don’t gain much weight :|)….as long as I’m eating well…..I just focus on getting it off after the baby lol!

Ok, ok…..that’s it for now…….I was just sharing the news ;)….Mommyhood for the third time…it should be interesting 😉 I do get moments though, especially when the two little ones drive me crazy, where I ask myself “What have I done?! How will I stay sane with 3 toddlers” haha! But 99% of the time, it’s positive thoughts…..plus my 3 year old first born, Kumi is already promising to help me change the nappies and to feed the baby haha! She’s so sweet, when she’s eating she’ll leave a small piece for ‘the baby’ <3……How can I not have more when they’re so adorable?? Ok, ok…that’s really it for now 🙂

Incase we’re still not quite sure what Jesus is all about: everything in this life….everything in the Word boils down to Love…..that is the most important thing that God is about. As we pursue a host of things, and as we try to be like this and like that……and as we plan to learn this, acquire that, do that better…..let us not forget that what God considers the most important thing above anything else, in Jesus’ own words, is for us to love……..to love God with all our hearts, and to love people, above everything else. Jesus said Himself that is the commandment that pretty much summarizes what God is about.

I came across this photo on the net, and it instantly warmed my heart, I just fell in love with it ❤️……strange reaction, some might think….but I think it’s because I simply just understood the message the photo was communicating…..or maybe because it’s so relevant to my life.
This is a body of a woman who has given birth (and this is still quite pretty 😄), and it’s just beautiful! The saggy/stretchy/loose skin, the belly pouch, the stretch marks….all too familiar :). Having kids really changes your body 😳…..nobody warned me, now I’m in too deep 😄😄.

I honestly really love my body. Being pregnant has certainly changed the way it looks …..but that’s what makes it even more beautiful. It has carried our two beautiful kids, and will hopefully carry a few more.
I didn’t have too many stretch marks before I had kids but when I look at my stretch marks now, they are a fond reminder of my kids. Like, I remember that with Kumi, my tummy was round and I got stretch marks on my sides ….a few cute ones, nothing to write home about 😄…..but with Hubo, my tummy was growing pointy like Pinocchio’s nose 😄…..and the stretch marks 😳…looked like I had been fighting with an angry multi-clawed animal😄.
Granted, the first few weeks/months after birth, when my tummy was super wrinkly and dark and my stretch marks looked like they’d been painted with silver glitter, I didn’t find them cute at all! But now, their appearance is not as hectic …..I don’t mind them….and only one person sees them anyway 😄 and he’s already made the commitment to love me through thick and thin stretchmarks 😄. Anyway, it’s good to think of pregnancy stretch marks as victory scars….my body has gone through something so significant….bringing humans onto this earth! Nurturing them and providing them with a home, nutrition, comfort and all they need for the 9 months before they stepped onto this earth…..and still providing comfort, nutrition, support, love, etc after they are born…..now that’s something!
Look, I realise it can be hard for mothers to love their bodies after babies because it’s not the kind of body you dream of having 😄…..and you don’t find magazine pictures of real life post-pregnant women…..we usually see the stories of the Beyonces and Kim Kardashians who seem to just bounce back from pregnancy within hours 😄…..but we don’t even know what it took for them to get there…..let’s not forget that these are celebrities and their job requires them to seem perfect, so if they have to spend the whole day in a gym, they will…..if they have to nip and tuck, they will….so let’s not put ourselves in the same basket as the Beyonces of this world….unless of course, that’s what you aspire to.
I’m not saying that we should just accept ‘our fate’ and be forever frumpy 😄. On the one hand, I’m actually quite the activist for healthy eating and exercise….I refuse to be overweight just because I’ve had babies. In my perfect world, we would all just eat well and exercise, and be healthy and happy with our bodies because we did. But as well, I’ve grown past exercising and eating well just to ‘look good’, I really want to have a strong body that will fight disease and carry me through the years until I see my great grandchildren, God-willing. So, yes, exercise does help the body get back into shape…..infact it makes quite a difference. Some people are fortunate enough not to put on much weight during pregnancy, and seem to just bounce back after giving birth…..I’m not one of those 😑…..I have to sweat it out….but I’m grateful, because it’s actually made me more health-conscious. Ok, so that’s the one hand.
On the other hand, I’m under no illusion that my body will be like it was when I was 21 with no babies. How could it when it has gone through so much? I’m absolutely happy and ok with my body and its changes. My skin is more saggy because it has amazingly stretched so much, my boobs sag because they’ve carried hundreds if not thousands of litres of milk and have nursed my babies with good nutrition, my tummy is far from being flat, my abs are weaker, my core muscles need to be restrengthened, I hardly had stretch marks before babies, my body is generally less toned (I guess that’s post-pregnancy coupled with age though)….but my favourite body change is that I’m now more curvy 😍😍😄…I’ve lost the weight but my body shape has changed 😊. Anyway, my body will never be the same…..why would it? I’m not the same. I can sit and moan about that fact all day every day or I can choose to embrace it…..I choose the latter…..but fortunately for me, I’m very active and I try to eat well so my body actually looks great for a mother of 2, if I should say so myself 😄……but my point is that mommies, don’t despise the after-baby body ❤️.