Hello… – Thought #3 (30 Thoughts Before 30)

Greeting is such a big deal in the African community, and I feel like that’s one of the biggest things we have lost in our westernisation.

Like, I remember even as a kid, you dared not walk down the street or enter a shop or see someone and not greet if you knew what was good for you 😂.

I realised as I was walking to the shops the other day…..(one good thing from our car breaking down has been having to walk and “see” people)….walking past different kinds of people…up to their own business….just walking past them without greeting just felt so wrong. Now, I’m not saying that I want a relationship or even a conversation with every person I meet on the street, or with every teller or car guard but there’s something about acknowledging or “seeing” another person when you come across them. I love the Zulu greeting…….”Sawubona”….it literally means “I see you”, how powerful is that?? “I don’t know who you are or what you are about, and I’m not necessarily trying to befriend you but I See You”.  Seeing another human being, another soul.  There’s something very brotherly/sisterly about it….very Ubuntu…..very African. Ah man, Africa is Beautiful!

Thought #2 (30 Thoughts Before 30)

To the ladies, interesting thought: that is; the things that we use to “beautify” ourselves often leave our natural beauty in a worse off state.

What do I mean? Well, for example, we use make up to ‘accentuate our beauty’, whether it’s everyday or for special occassions, however makeup is mostly not good for our skin, so in the long run it works against us.
Hair extensions tend to leave our own hair less taken care of, making it susceptible to damage….some more than others.
Nail polish makes the nail look pretty but leaves them weaker.

Now, please don’t take this as a “Don’t Use Beauty Products” post…..I love nailpolish and my life would not be the same without eyeliner and blush haha!….but I just thought it was interesting…..that the beauty that we put on eats away at our natural beauty……which will eventually force us to use even more beauty products in the long run, either because we’re so used to it and it has become a part of our lives or our natural state/look has been so damaged that we can’t do without it. Interesting.

Nasty Toenails – Thought #1 (30 Thoughts Before 30)

A week or two ago, I accompanied my husband to a church he was speaking at….by the way, he’s such a great teacher….I’m always just in awe at the wisdom and revelation he teaches with, he’s definitely my favourite teacher 🙂 haha!

So yeah, I enjoy watching him speak and going with him to these events is a treat for me. I was especially excited because most of the time I do photo shoots on weekends and I typically miss stuff that he does on weekends, so I was glad I could make this event.

So there I was feeling great, also because I was looking hot in my cute heels, high-waist skinnies (these smanje-manje Mamfundisis haha!) and new blouse (I had to go shopping to reward myself for losing my baby weight lol!), even my 4 year old daughter gave me a compliment before I left the house :).

Fast forward….now, we’re at the church and the worship team is on.  Now, if you know me, you know I express myself in worship, I’m free haha!…..I’m there in the moment of whatever I feel like is happening in my spirit…regardless of where I am or who I’m with…..if I feel like I should jump, I jump…..if I feel like I should shout, I shout…..if I feel like I should lie on the floor, I lie on the floor……so in this particular moment, we were singing an indigenous song (I looove local music), and one of the guys even brought out a bongo drum and yeeey!…the worship just escalated to another level….(there is really something spiritual about the African drum!)…..and all I wanted to do in that moment was to ‘ukugiya’.   I’m not sure if there’s a word for it in English but ‘ukugiya’ is simply a traditional dance. 

Now….firstly there were my cute heels to consider…..I thought about it….I actually wouldn’t have minded taking them off but the big problem was……..My Toenails *hides*.  My toenails were in a state…..firstly, they were so long because I hadn’t cut them in a (long) while ….I’m always wearing pumps, I never really have to worry about my toe nails being exposed, plus I secretly enjoy long toenails because I can scratch myself with them in bed at night *hides*.

Secondly, there was still evidence of nail polish that had been put on them also along while ago, so you can just imagine that they looked absolutely nasty …..I stood there contemplating….I wasn’t willing to expose my nasty toe nails…..but then I felt like my worship expression was being stifled, everything in my heart wanted to do this dance but the situation was just not permitting 😃😃.

In retrospect, I should’ve just done it….chances are no one would’ve paid attention to my nasty toe nails anyway….and even if they had, so what? I had nasty toe nails, so what?? So inconsequential. 

The whole experience got me thinking…..I found it to be a sad but true reflection of my state currently.  All cute and pretty on the outside, but not so manicured on the inside.

I’m a simple girl but I do make a basic effort to make sure that I look good.  I’m not much of a makeup person….but I do like putting on eyeliner, a touch of blush and lip gloss. I’ve got dreadlocks, but I’ve been trying to find fun and different ways to style them.  I love the look of nail polish but practically, it doesn’t always work out to have nail polish all the time 😃, so I do it when I can. I love clothes, I really do 😃….if I had lots of money, I’d have a lot of clothes. I go to gym a few days a week. 
So, as much as I’m a simple girl, I do spend a bit of time making sure that I look good on the outside.  And now after getting my figure back after baby no.3, I’m feeling more fabulous and making an even greater effort. And yes, it matters…..wanting to look “presentable” isn’t necessarily a bad or shallow thing.

When it comes to the inside, however, I don’t spend even half of the time I spend on my outer beauty.  And yet, this is the part that’s supposed to be more important.  I suppose it’s because of the obvious fact that everyone sees my outer self so I don’t exactly want to walk out of my place looking like a mess but it’s so easy to get away with being less than good looking on the inside because no one else knows but me.

When something on the outside looks bad, I will always pay attention to it because my outer look is important to me.  And yet, when a tinge of jealousy arises as someone achieves something that I perhaps wanted, an insecurity that rears its head or unforgiveness or bitterness takes residence in my heart, I don’t tend to treat it with the same urgency.  
I can spend delicate time on Pinterest or Instagram looking at trends and fashion (my personal favourite is looking up house decor though), but hardly spend the same amount of time and effort on things that will make me (look) good on the inside.

Honestly, lately I do feel like I’ve been more concerned about my outer appearance than my inner well being…….and it is such a waste of life.  Not that looking good is not important, but starting to spend too much of my time, thoughts and effort on what I look like is such a waste…..because when all is said and done, it’s really what’s happening inside my heart, mind and spirit that matters the most…..that is the real stuff, as intangible as it is….That’s what really speaks of who I am…..

I think you get the gist of what I’m trying to get at……As much as I love looking good….I don’t want to just look good on the outside, I need to always pay high attention to what’s happening in me……I need to love looking good on the inside.

30 Thoughts Before 30

Wow! I’m finally turning 30 *gasp*…..in 30 days…….I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to feel like or whether other people go through this….but when I think about turning 30, I get this slight apprehension…..I’m not too sure what it’s about…..but I think something about turning 30 makes me think about my life  in an introspective kinda way…and also somewhat brings up big questions like “What have I done with my life”, “What do I wanna do with the rest of my life”, “30, now what”…..and of course the big question “I’m turning 30, what am I doing to celebrate” 😃….I dunno man, but I’m just feeling like something must happen…it just feels like a big moment ….at the same time, i don’t want to succumb to pressure to “do something” because that’s what people do to celebrate….but i definitwly feel like it’s a big moment to be celebrated….we’ll see……there’s a whole 30 days to think about it (This is the story my life….I love celebrations but it hardly ever works out…..I think I have time to think of what I want to do and time goes by, and when the day gets here, I’m bummed because time has run out and I sit there bored and thinking about what I could’ve done if only I’d had the time….then I promise myself I’ll do something in time the following year 😑….and then….)

Aaaanyway……one thing I have decided to do is to write “30 thoughts before I turn 30″….
Why?  Why not?  Haha! Writing is one of the things I’d like to do more of…..I often want to write but never make the time….so it’ll be a nice challenge for me……..and maybe it’s also something that’ll make me feel like I’m “doing something” 😃…to

be present in this moment.

I look forward to seeing what I’ll write about 😃😃…..it’ll be random thoughts really….not necessarily themed or on any specific thing……ok….so let’s see how it goes yeah?